"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
12/26/2017 at 11:25 • Filed to: None
2
4|
"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
12/26/2017 at 11:25 • Filed to: None | 2
| 4 |
I am leaving this bewildering place never to come back until some other religious holiday/event comes, I have heard/seen many interesting things in these few days, its a bit like your thanksgiving; you get to see your family; You get to listen to your family .
The BRZ:
Me: “Does my Cousin still like the Jetta GLI?”
Uncle: “How long ago did you last speak with him”
Me:”I dunno, a year ago”
Uncle: “He’s head over heels for the Honda BRZ or something”
Me: “Isn’t it a Subaru?”
Uncle: “Maybe, I don’t fit in it and I don’t care about it”
Me: “Its a good car, its got boxer engine”
Uncle: “Huh, like a Porsche”
Me: “Yes...”
Uncle: “Not gonna give it to him then...”
On drug dealers:
*On our way from the airport home*
Me: “So how’s things”
Grandfather: “Them drug dealers are crazy”
Me: “Oh, I know...”
Grandfather: “They should burn them, kill them”
Me: “...”
Grandfather: “Even the low level ones, they poison the youth”
Mom: “The have too much money, they bribe the government...”
Grandfather: “Not really! Any low level municipality has more money than them! If they need more money they just hike our taxes”
Everyone: “...”
Grandfather: “goddam mobsters...”
Christmas cops:
*Two patrol cars show up to our home as I’m getting ready to go somewhere*
Officer: “Morning”
Me: “Hello, is everything okay, officer?”
Officer: “We’ve come over for ‘christmas’, you know”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Officer “...”
Grandmother: “Here, have this for your kids or something, happy holidays”
*Hands 500 pesos to the officer*
Officer: “Okay, goodbye!”
Stereotypes:
Me: “I feel like this place is a bit like California or Texas”
Maria: “It’s totally like Texas”
Me: “...”
Maria: “Well, at least they like pretending they’re Texan when it suits them”
Time distortion
Maria: “Would you like to try my car, we could go to CostCo together”
Me: “Sure, i’d love to”
Mom: “Will you have enough time to go there and then come for lunch”
Maria: “We’ve got more than enough time”
Mom: “It’s only thirty minutes...”
Maria: “We’ll take 15"
*Gets on car*
*Goes to CostCo*
*Buys Nutella and 3kgs of salt*
*Returns 12 minutes later*
GPS signal
Mom: “Just take me there”
Me: “I don’t think you’ve got the address right, Do you know where you’re going?”
Mom: “Yeah yeah, just take me there, I lived here for 20 years I better know my way around”
*Drives into a “ Hood” by mom standards*
Mom: “OMG OMG STAY IN THE CENTRE OF THE LANE, DON’T GET NEAR THEM”
Me: “Its a safe place, relax, there’s a University right there”
*Stops for pedestrians to cross*
Mom: “THEY’RE GONNA SHOOT US”
Dogs:
Me: “Hey doggo! did someone braid your hair!?!?”
*Dog barks nicely*
Mom: “Leave that dog alone and lets leave god dammit!”
My phone:
Grandmother: “What is that phone, what brand is it, is it Samsung or iphone?”
Me: “Oh, its a new brand, I suppose it’s independent from Samsung or Apple”
Grandmother: “Oh, so it’s like El Bronco (the governor)“
Me: “I suppose”
Grandmother: “Well, hopefully your phone still works in six months”
On the new car:
Grandfather: “Why don’t you guys use the new car?”
Grandmother: “Maybe they’re afraid of it”
Grandfather: “Why is everyone so afraid of it! If everyone is afraid of it then no one is ever going to use it!”
Grandmother: “Why don’t you use it?”
Grandfather: “Because I want to share it!”
Me: “Okay, I’ll take my sisters to starbucks with it”
*Five minutes later discussing something else*
Grandfather: “Did you hear they shot up someone up in that bridge yesterday?”
Career choice:
Grandfather: “I’d love to see you as a politician”
Me: “I don’t like it because-”
Grandfather: “You could help me with these building permits”
Me: “...”
Grandfather: “Ya know, legally ”
Nick Has an Exocet
> Spanfeller is a twat
12/26/2017 at 12:03 |
|
My favorite this year was a family discussion about Shark Tank.
Uncle Paul: I hate the fuckin’ Mr Wonderful. That guy is a Mr. Asshole. Hey Brad - if you were on Shark Tank, what would you pitch? (does’t wait for Brad to answer)... yeah mushrooms. I know, I know. Hey Ray - what would you pitch?
Uncle Ray: ... uh... uh....Truck...........Tires.
Everyone in the room: Truck tires?!
|
Spanfeller is a twat
> Nick Has an Exocet
12/26/2017 at 12:08 |
|
Given the frantic manner of speech he employs I’d suspect he’d pitch a substance of the likes of Cocaine or Aderall..
Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever
> Spanfeller is a twat
12/26/2017 at 13:11 |
|
Does the cop thing happen even in Mexico City??
|
Spanfeller is a twat
> Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever
12/26/2017 at 14:06 |
|
Never seen it in Mexico City... They knocked on the door of every house in the neighborhood... On the 24th...